Just Begin…

So maybe the best way to begin is to just begin.

I am almost 38years old, in five days I will be two years away from 40! When I think about that I am freaked out, I can’t believe how time has passed. It is only now that I am starting to make some sort of sense of my life, the majority of time I am embarrassed because it has taken me so long to actually have some sort of concrete direction. I know I shouldn’t be worried about that since it does take some people a while to know what they want out of life.

When I started out my “adult life” I had great plans for greatness. I would attend college and get my Doctored in Clinical Psychology within eight years; I would open a small practice. I would get married two years after have children travel and live out my life making the world better using my passion. I had so much hope and a lot to give. Along the way I realized I can’t give what I do not have one of my many realities of life. I accomplished one goal that was to get through undergraduate school with a B.A. in Psychology. I was accepted into graduate school, within the six months between getting accepted into graduate school and actually attending my life completely fell apart and I was devastated. I ended up in the hospital. Life went further downhill during that period of life and as the time drew near for me to attend school the dream continued to fade. That story is for another day.

My life crumbled all around me and it has taken me almost eight years to come to grips with the journey of my life, I am so thankful to God that I am now in a place where I feel like I can actually live a productive life. That feeling of hope that I had prior to the fall of my life is slowly beginning to return. The life I see for myself is actually tangible and some of the dreams I originally had changed along the way. Another thing I had to deal with and accept, it wasn’t easy.

Now five days before my birthday I can look back and see that I was in no way equipped to handle the demands of the life I wanted to create for myself. At this moment, I realize that I still have a lot of room to grow and life is better I see light beyond darkness. I am hopeful about the upcoming year, I believe that my birthday is symbolic of a new chapter in my life. I am so grateful for the opportunities along the way that have allowed me to push towards a new life.

-NatalieNicole

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